


set the world on fire

by walking_through_autumn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_through_autumn/pseuds/walking_through_autumn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which they get smashingly drunk and engage in a war for peanuts. And try to figure out who's screwing with whom. </p>
<p>Alternatively, Mike and his squad have a healthy, sane, civil drinking party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	set the world on fire

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an SnK Kink Meme prompt. 
> 
> I'm pretty sure you can tell I have a lot of love for Mike's squad. Like, a lot a lot.

It starts, as it always does, with alcohol.

It’s no secret that Gerger has a great love for alcohol. Rene calls it an obsession. Henning calls it an addiction. Nanaba just rolls his eyes and matches him tankard for tankard. Gerger has no idea where all the alcohol goes in Nanaba’s skinny frame. If it weren’t for the fact that Nanaba could knock him out easily when they spar, he’d think the man is all skin and bones and no muscles. In any case, he considers them all awesome people because they drink with him, even Squad Leader Mike, though he’s sure the combined force of four drunk people will surely overwhelm his nose.

Now they’re on their sixth round, he thinks, because he’s lost count after a while. The conversation had started out civil and fun and about stuff like how much Rene really, really dislikes guys who just want to hop into bed without the dating bit first. They had all chipped in to console her, talk about filth who don’t deserve to be called human beings, and eventually, into their fourth or fifth round, Rene had been slamming her tankard down on the table and roaring with laughter at the jokes Gerger had been telling. He can’t quite recall what the jokes were. But Nanaba’s been quieter this evening, and as his best pal, Gerger is gonna get him to spill. Nanaba’s also drunk enough that he just needs to push a little.

“You’re thinking something stupid again,” Nanaba says, a slight slur to his words. “Stop thinking stupid things.”

The guy also has an uncanny sixth sense for what Gerger’s thinking. It probably has something to do with them constantly getting into trouble during their trainee years.

Before Gerger can protest that he always thinks intelligent thoughts, thank you very much, Rene drapes herself over Nanaba’s shoulders and grins, all hooded eyes and hair falling out of the small ponytail. “Somebody’s not in a good mood, huuuh?”

Nanaba flicks his finger at her nose, making her wrinkle it. “Am not – ” he pauses to collect his thoughts – “am not _not_ in a good mood. Hah.” He seems pleased that he got his words right and, to reward himself, he takes another gulp of beer. “This is good stuff.”

“Only the finest for the soldiers, the bartender said,” Gerger says. Though he suspects they only brought out the good stuff to make them drink more and pay more. No matter. He downs his own tankard and lets out an explosive sigh of happiness. “Henning, man, you haven’t drank much! You too, Squad Leader!”

Mike casts a glance over them and shakes his head, peeling off the shell of a peanut and feeding it to Rene. “Don’t worry about it,” he murmurs. His area is filled with peanut shells, and though Rene complains she’ll get fat she always waits for him to feed her anyway. On his other side Henning drinks his beer much more slowly, going squinty and cross-eyed when he tries to figure out how much he has left.

“Bah, horrible drinkers, the lot of you,” Gerger says, ignoring Henning’s look of mock-hurt in favour of filling his tankard and returning to his previous thought. What was it? Something about Nanaba being prissy. Right. Thank Maria for Rene, he wants to smooch the girl for reminding him. “Rene’s right, Nanaba! Not in a good mood, eh?” he says, leaning heavily against Nanaba’s other side. He prides himself on his perseverance to find out the truth. And concern for a fellow friend, of course. Not to mention Nanaba usually has some interesting story or other to share. “Spill, spill!”

“Spill, spill!” Rene echoes, sloshing beer over herself and Nanaba.

“Henninnnnng, save me,” Nanaba groans. “Save me from idiots.”

Henning just grins and says, “You chose to sit there, mate.”

“No I didn’t! I just sat here and Gerger planted his ugly arse next to me!”

Gerger is affronted. Positively, completely affronted. His arse is fine, okay? He trains his arse along with other body parts every day, alright? He can fucking lift weights with his arse muscles. “My arse is not ugly, it is a…work of art. Yes! A work of art.” To punish Nanaba he digs his fingers into his sides.

Nanaba squeals, dislodges Rene from his shoulder, and spills beer over himself. To console him Mike tosses a peanut into his mouth and only succeeds in choking him. It takes some coughing  and Gerger thumping him on the back in half apology before he can speak again.

“Miiiiiike,” he says, looking unhappy.

“Sorry,” Mike says with a small smile mostly hidden under his moustache.

“You’re not sorry. You’re horrible. Gerger, you suck.”

Gerger also finds it amusing that when Nanaba gets drunk, his mouth not only gets filthier, he also starts acting like a petulant child. He wishes the trainees could see this. Oh how their image of the Scouting Legion will crumble.

“That’s why you luuurve me. So what’s it ’bout, hmm? Love trouble? The Captain reject you?”

Nanaba draws himself up and says, very dignified, “I do not have a thing for the Captain. That’s the Commander.”

“They’re totally screwing each other,” Rene agrees.

“Really?” Henning says with a wicked grin. “I think the Captain’s into the boy. What’s his name?” He frowns for a while before snapping his fingers in triumph. Considering that he can still snap his fingers Gerger concludes Henning is not drunk enough. He pours more beer into Henning’s tankard while the guy says, “Eren!”

There is a silence as they all consider this.

“Nope,” Gerger says.

“Maybe,” Rene says.

“Threesome,” Nanaba declares. “That solves everything.” Happy with the answer he drinks a bit more.

“No! The girl, um, the one with the red scarf – Mikasa! She’ll kill ’im if they are screwing,” Gerger says, needing to defend his view.

“Foursome then,” Nanaba concludes. With the topic closed his brain latches onto another important point. “Mike, I want peanuts.”

“Did my beer increase?”

Gerger ignores Henning’s question and says to Mike, “Me too.” Mike seems to be very possessive of the snack. But if he makes his eyes round and pleading sometimes the man will share from his stash.

Mike considers both of them and eventually, slowly, he pushes a small portion of the peanuts over to them.

“Awesome!” Gerger says, grabbing one and trying to crack it open. After a few seconds spent trying to peel it he resorts to crushing it open against the tabletop and popping the thing into his mouth. “So now that’s concluded, you haven’t told us what’s wrong, Nan.”

“Don’t call me Nan, it sounds like some – some food,” Nanaba says, crossing his arms. “And there’s nothing wrong. You suck.”

“I know. You said so already. Nan.”

“I did?” Nanaba considers that. “Well, you still suck. Fucker.”

“Glad ta know that.”

“I know!” Rene says with a gasp, like she cannot believe how stupid they are for not having figured it out earlier. “Christa!”

“What about her?” Henning asks, not following the _non sequitur_. He’s hugging the tankard closer to himself now, suspicious of the sudden increase of alcohol.

“ _She’s_ Nanaba’s secret love!”

“She’s not!” Nanaba protests, though from the way he’s flailing around Christa must be somehow involved in his angst.

“She’s cute,” Rene says, thumping his back. “And she likes you!”

“She’s also off, um – off-limits,” Gerger says, nodding to himself. “That girl, whassat her name, um…”

There is a long, long silence. Mike offers, “Ymir?”

Henning snaps his fingers. “That’s it! They’re totally screwing too.”

“Ymir hates me,” Nanaba says with a small wail. He looks at a peanut and decides it takes too much effort to peel. He rolls it back in Mike’s general direction and frowns at him until Mike picks it up.

Oh, so _that’s_ the issue. Gerger would have never thought she’s his type. “My good friend,” he says as he slings an arm around Nanaba’s shoulder, “never fear! We’ll teach you the proper ways to court somebody! Even your enemy will fall in love with you!”

“What?” Nanaba says, still staring at Mike peeling the peanut, slowly, as though he’s taking his time on purpose. “Who says I like her? She and Christa are definitely fucking.”

“Then what’s your issue?” Gerger asks, stealing Nanaba’s tankard because there’s no more beer in his. Nanaba is too caught up with waiting for the peanut in any case.

“She hates me.”

“We’ve established that,” Rene says, eyes focused on Mike’s hands. “Damn, Mike, could you take any longer?”

Mike hums and tosses the peanut toward Nanaba. Rene snatches it out of the air and pops it into her mouth instead. Nanaba growls.

“Rene, you suck.”

“Love you too, baby.” She blows a kiss at him.

“Ohh, I get it!” Henning says. Well, aren’t they full of epiphanies tonight? “Nanaba hates being hated, so he hates that Ymir hates him!”

They struggle to comprehend that statement for a while. Then Nanaba beams. “That’s right! Henning, you’re a genius! You don’t suck.”

“I know,” Henning says, looking smug.

“But Ymir hates everyone!” Rene says. Which is true. Gerger can say that out of all the new recruits she has the least respect for all her seniors. Gerger doesn’t care, but since Ymir’s in Nanaba’s squad, it’s no wonder the guy is stressed.

“No, but you see, she especially hates Nanaba, because Christa likes him,” Henning explains.

Gerger grins. “Doncha wish you had my recruits now, eh, Nan?” They’re good boys, respectful and polite and the type that would love Nanaba. But he doesn’t seem to be listening. He’s frowning into the tankard like he doesn’t understand why all the alcohol is gone.

“Beer,” he says, glaring at Gerger. It’s like his instincts tell him Gerger had something to do with it. It must be especially honed after all the years of Gerger playing pranks on him.

“You finished it, mate,” he replies, trying to hide his smile.

“Mike,” Nanaba says.

Mike hums and pops another peanut into his mouth, taking his time to chew and swallow before he says, just as Nanaba’s fingers are twitching, “Gerger switched them.”

“Traitor!” Gerger says, pointing a finger at Mike. His other hand is busy holding the tankard out of Nanaba’s reach. Nanaba punches him in the side, which fucking _hurt_ , how can the guy pack such power even when he’s drunk? “I suck, I know, I know,” Gerger says before Nanaba can do anything more.

“I hate you,” Nanaba says, flopping into his arms. “G’away.”

“No can do, pal. We’re gonna, we’re gonna rescue you from this, this – this Ymir hating you thing!” Gerger says in triumph.

“Naw, the only way for Ymir to like Nanaba is for Christa to not pay any attention to him,” Rene says, matter-of-fact.

Nanaba looks at her in horror. It’s like the very thought of sweet Christa no longer smiling at him is crushing his soul. Gerger bets Nanaba would rather be eaten by a titan.

“Or we could just, I dunno, accept the fact that Ymir will never like anybody except Christa,” Henning says.

Gerger watches Nanaba consider the two options before he beams at Henning. “You’re my best friend now. Gerger, you’re fired.”

“Nah, you love me too much.” He traps Nanaba in a headlock and musses up his hair, ignoring his yelps and generally unhappy sounds. Nanaba looks disgruntled when he finally lets him go.

“Mike, fire him. He sucks.”

“Peanut?” Mike suggests.

Nanaba reaches his hand, palm out, for the peanut. He slaps Rene’s hand away before she can do the same. Gerger considers joining the war for the peeled snack and decides, since he had stolen Nanaba’s beer, the least he can do is let him have it. He’s such a magnanimous friend. Nanaba had better be appreciative.

Rene’s disgruntlement over having the peanut stolen clears up when she says, “But that’s it? That’s so boring! Come on, don’t any of us have some spicy love life to gossip about? Gerger?”

“Don’t look at me. Too busy training to do anything else. ’sides my free time is spent with you guys,” Gerger quickly adds, holding his hands up.

Rene grunts. “Nanaba’s right. You totally suck.” She throws a handful of peanut shells at him. It lands in Henning’s lap instead. “I always thought you and Nanaba had, like, a thing going on.”

Nanaba looks at her in horror. Gerger would have been insulted if he isn’t looking at her with the same horror. “Rene! That’s – no!” Nanaba says, struggling with his thoughts. Gerger thinks he understands. Nanaba’s a hot piece of ass, but he’s not a hot piece of ass Gerger would go for.

“Whatcha talking about, Rene? They both have a thing for Mike,” Henning says.

Mike looks unfazed, though maybe a little unhappy now that he’s run out of peanuts. So he’s drinking instead and blinking at them when they all turn to look at him, Rene with a thoughtful expression. “You’re right. I’d go for you, Mike,” she says.

“Mike,” Nanaba starts, trying to sound dignified but just sounding drunk, “Mike is a, a – a teacher! Awesome teacher!” He seems confused then. “Gerger, help.”

This is why Nanaba is useless without him, Gerger thinks. He struggles to come up with something that would help their case. Ah ha. He beams and says, “But I won’t bang him!”

“That’s right!” Nanaba says with a smile. “Gerger, you’re not fired.”

“Guys, that’s like, a total insult,” Henning points out.

“No it’s not!” Nanaba says with righteous indignation. “Mike’s smoking hot, but it’s obvious he has a crush on the Commander!”

“Do you?” Rene asks, eyes bright and curious.

“No, for Squad Leader Hanji!” Gerger says.

“Is that right?” Henning asks.

Mike looks from face to face. Gerger knows what he’s thinking. He’s trapped and is wondering how to tell them about his passionate love affair with Squad Leader Hanji. Because Gerger’s instincts are always right in this type of stuff. Nanaba’s drunk so his input doesn’t count. Then Mike smiles. The slow type of smile complete with a twinkle in his eye. He downs the rest of his drink before he says, “I think it’s time to go back.”

What? No it isn’t. Gerger tries to stand, because it always helps his case when he’s taller than the person he’s arguing against. But the world is sort of – spinning. So he stumbles back into his seat. Whereupon Nanaba flops against him, all fifty-nine kilos of drunk, dead weight.

Rene giggles. “I think Mike’s right this time. Fuck. We’re gonna regret this tomorrow, aren’t we?”

“It’s our free day,” Henning says, finishing the last of his drink. “Gerger will take care of Nanaba.”

“What?” Gerger squawks. A hungover Nanaba is not fun to deal with. Especially when Gerger will have a splitting headache of his own to take care of. “That’s not – that’s not fair!”

“You did suggest this party,” Henning says, pushing his chair back and wobbling only slightly when he’s on his feet.

“You guys agreed!” Gerger says. He makes a second attempt to stand and is successful this time, meaning his knees only weaken once before he’s standing more or less upright. Nanaba had slid to lie on the bench, breathing deep and heavy. “Rene, help me carry him back.”

“Fine, fine. You owe me,” she says, walking with impressive balance and pulling Nanaba from the bench with some awesome arm strength. “You take the other side. Damn, he’s like, tiny. Why is he so heavy?”

Gerger grunts, struggling with the other side. As his awesome pal he’ll have to tell Nanaba something about not going unconscious on his friends next time. Nanaba grumbles something in his sleep. “Just pray he doesn’t throw up.”

“You’ll be on your own then.”

Gerger snorts. Slowly, once they’re sure the world is spinning only just a little, they start to follow Mike out of the crowded bar. Henning walks beside Mike, still pestering him about who he’s into. Gerger thinks Henning is just trying to get an advantage for the betting pool. He’ll have to convince him to share the findings later. When his head is less fuzzy. Maybe after a week of sleep.

He’s not quite sure how they get back without anybody killing themselves. He’s even less sure how he manages to get Nanaba undressed and under the covers. The only saving grace is this tiny room is his, Nanaba’s, and Henning’s, so they can curse all they want in the morning without disturbing the other soldiers. And nobody will be able to complain about the stink of alcohol when they all share the smell.

“I’m out too,” Henning says with an unsteady wave.

“Ah, yeah,” Gerger says, squinting at his clothes. Fuck it. He’ll just sleep in this. He’ll have to shower in the morning anyway. Maybe burn these clothes, damn, how does it manage to soak in all that tobacco and beer smell?

It was fun, though. He’s not sure how much of it he’ll remember in the morning. He supposes that’s part of the fun, though Henning will probably beg to differ. And Nanaba will just want to kill him. His last thought, before he drifts off, is maybe they could do this again after the next expedition. Bring the kids along, order some juice for them…

It’ll be a blast. 


End file.
